This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
