Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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