Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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