I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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