Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
