i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
