How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
