I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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