You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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