By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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