sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
