So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
