Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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