Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
