used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
