Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
