So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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