This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
