Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
