Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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