Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
