I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
