i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
