I want to stick my p in your. b.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
