Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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