I want to have your abortion
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
