And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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