There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
