me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
