How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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