Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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