I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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