fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
