Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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