sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
