I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
