You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
