worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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