I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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