did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
