Your dad touched me again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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