I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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