apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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