So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
