Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
