People with herpes should wear stickers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
