Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
