The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
