I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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