y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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