I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
