But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
