I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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