Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
